Today marks one week at home with Maphada. One week, at home,
with Maphada... WOW. It still feels incredibly surreal, like I will wake up from this beautiful, chaotic dream at any moment and realize that the last two months of my life have taken place while I was sleeping. I had hoped to blog everyday, keep everyone up to speed on what it's like having her home sweet home, but there simply hasn't been time, or energy! She is still every bit the rough and tumble girl I fell in love with three years ago; full of energy, running, skipping, and jumping from one activity to the next, expecting me to follow right along with her, (or carry her)! And that's just been, well, very exhausting!!
Where to begin? How about exactly one week ago? Here it goes... I woke up to my alarm early Wednesday morning and started getting ready. How do you get ready to leave a place you love, that is the only home your daughter has ever known? Well, you grit your teeth and dive into the routine of brushing your teeth, combing your hair, etc. and you just don't think about what you are getting ready for. That is, until you wake up your daughter, and the tears start spilling down her face... Then you just stop what you are doing, hold her in your lap, wipe away her tears, and pray for God to give her a peace that makes zero sense...and He does. Her tears stop, she grits her teeth, and she begins to get ready herself. Then you wake up your son, who is beyond exhausted from short nights and overwhelming days, and you get him ready too. You sneak into the room to peek at your sleeping baby boy but cannot resist the urge to pick him up and snuggle one last time before kissing him goodbye. He eagerly reaches up for you, you pull him against your body and breathe him in, squeezing him as tight as you dare. You kiss him, you tell him for the hundredth time that mama loves Nalique, you make him a bottle and put him back in his crib to catch a few more zzz's. Then you turn to the sleeping baby girl you have fallen in love with, trying to guard your heart but it is way too late for that, your breath catches in your throat as you commit her profile, every detail of her face to memory. You pray again for God to make a way for her to be yours. You tell her goodbye, not knowing if you will ever see her again. Then you set your shoulders, grit your teeth again, grab your belongings, and walk away without looking back. Soon you find yourself standing by Pastor Yves Nissan, looking around at everything that has become so familiar, wishing you had a few more days to soak it all in a little deeper. You notice a few children walking around, some doing chores before school, others playing and you wish you had spent just a few extra moments with each of them instead of willing the time away in anticipation of bringing your daughter home. You wonder if they have any idea of how much you love them, how much you think of them and hate leaving them behind. Then you hear voices calling out from the windows, telling your daughter goodbye. You see some running toward you to give her one last hug and share one more secret. They all laugh and tease, hug and smile and suddenly you feel a little bit lighter, and once again you are lost in the miracle taking place right before you eyes, in your very own family, and you whisper "thank you" to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords who loves you, for reasons unknown and undeserved. You load up your little family and begin the journey down the mountain, and into the skies...
Once we were on the road, it got easier. The excitement started to build again and I found myself filled with anticipation. London and Maphada took a quick nap in the car, and before we knew it, it was time to unload at the airport. After a brief, tearful goodbye to Pastor Yves, my heart soared with pride as my sweet, timid girl became the bravest, most courageous person I know. She fell into step behind me, and off we went inside. She didn't even hesitate. We went through ticketing, immigration, and security in record time. It wasn't until we reached the escalator that she shot me a questioning glance with a glimpse of fear. Why didn't I think to mention escalators??? I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, told her everything would be okay, and after watching London step on, she followed bravely behind. After that, flying was a breeze, lol! Seriously though, she was so brave. She looked a little uncertain a few times, but all it took was a little reassurance and she was ready to go, all courageous and adventurous. She loved looking out the window and seeing the mountains of her country. Once we had climbed a little higher, she was fascinated by the clouds and smiled so big at the sight of them. I'll say it again, I was and am soooo proud of her! As for the second flight, lets just say my drawing and explanation of taking two flights did not compute because she was not happy about that second flight at all! We had grabbed a bit to eat at Chili's, then she was ready to go to her house. Right then! A second flight you say? No way!! Well, you all know how that conversation turned out, we did in fact board a second plane, and after a few tears, she fell asleep and woke up feeling much better. The second flight seemed to take forever! We finally landed in DFW and as soon as that seat belt sign was off we were jumping out of our seats, grabbing our stuff and dashing for the exit! After a little meandering, we found our people waiting for us, all but Dabby that is, who had gotten stuck in traffic which was a major bummer! :( Other than that, it was picture perfect. She greeted everyone with a shy smile and a hug, excited to see some familiar faces in her Grandma and Uncle Chris, and even more so to meet some new ones, aka her cousins! Her face was glowing! I am so thankful for all of the friends and family who came to welcome her home! We almost opted out of that moment, thinking it would be too much for her personality, but we decided it would be worth it to her later, and as it turns out, it was worth it to her now as well, so thank you to everyone who shared in that moment with her.
Now that we are home, I have to confess that we have broken all of the "rules" we had intended to play by during her first week at home. We had planned to keep things very low key and stay home for at least a week without going anywhere. Well, suffice it to say, we've been to at least a dozen places and have been gone from home as often as we've been present. She was so curious about everything, so much more outgoing that I expected her to be. On her first night she asked me, "Tomorrow I go school?". I was like are you kidding me??? Seriously, you are already wanting to go to school? The next morning the plan was to send Chris out for groceries, but it seemed crazy for him to leave after missing so much already, and she wasn't about to let me go without her, so we just all went...and we haven't stopped since, lol.
So far, my brave girl is doing fab! I keep bracing myself for the honeymoon to come to a screeching halt, but so far, so good. So much is so sweet about her being home, but I have to be honest and say that I've had a few "what have we done?!?" moments. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. I remember feeling the same way after having London, freaking out with the weight of it all, the gravity and seriousness of what it means to be a momma and thinking how in the world did I ever convince myself I could do this??!? I keep cycling between complete elation and total deflation. All of my hopes and dreams with regard to what this would look like feel so out of reach. I never did make it through the suggested reading list. I think I finished one and a half books out of a dozen. And school? Why did I ever think I could educate any of my children at home and do it well, let alone a 9 year old who is 2 years behind where she should be?? I mostly feel completely unprepared and totally inadequate for the task we have taken on. And then I hear her laughing with London, I see her big, bright, beautiful smile, and I see London smiling right back at her... I glance at Chris and we share a moment of mutual understanding and a giant, inexplicable love, and I know that we can do this. After all, God thinks we can, so why shouldn't I? I still marvel at that. At the knowledge that God placed us on this path, that He set her apart for us, to be our little girl, to be London's big sister... Isn't that amazing? I still cannot believe it.
I know this is getting to be a short story instead of a simple blog post, so let me end by listing out some of her firsts, and some of the things that have made us LOL, : )
Firsts: Rosa's, Central Market, Bacon! (can't leave that one out), Gym, Sonic (that one is for you Mom), Park, Sunday, Trampoline with water!!, four wheeler ride with Dabby, Bicycle shopping, Trip to the salon, Trip to Grandma's house, etc. (I could go on, like I said, we've been busy!)
Things that made us LOL:
"Zoe beautiful, that (pointing to our neighbor's huge dog) not beautiful!"
Trying to convince her to wear her seat belt, we told her it was the law, a rule, something we had to do or we would get in trouble, um, the police... Boom, she is buckled in with a look of horror on her face, lol!
Playing with fake poop of all things, she starts teasing London and says, "London, you eat poop for breakfast!" and bursts into uncontrollable laughter, with her brother.
Picking up the suburban at the dealership and her asking, "Market?" then her amazement when we passed Jerry's on the way home, "What, mom look, big market!!"
Lapsing into creole today and laughing her way through a sentence. (I soooo hope she holds on tight to her creole!!)
Anyway... those are some of the highlights. Beyond that, I would like to ask you to continue to remember us in your prayers. We had our first tears tonight and she is missing her friends. The sense of adventure and excitement is beginning to fade. She will struggle as she starts processing her life here and everything she has left behind. And not only her, but London is adjusting to his role as the big little brother. It's a lot to take in for a 7 1/2 year old only child. I am very proud of him overall, but he is human after all, and he needs your prayers too. As for me and Chris, pray for wisdom to teach, patience to correct, and endurance to keep up with these two beautiful souls entrusted to us.
Thanks for hanging in there and reading this jumbled mess! I used to think I was a decent writer, but these days not so much!! : )
