My Maphada,
Sweet girl you have no idea the havoc God is wreaking on my soul through you... The wait was pure agony at times, and when we finally brought you home, I thought God had blessed me beyond measure with beautiful, energetic, adorable you. I was wrong. There was room for more. A lot more. As it turns out, He is using you in even bigger ways than I could have imagined. You see, everything that is broken in you is a reflection of something broken in me. God didn't just bless me with a daughter, He blessed me with a mirror into my soul and I am ashamed to confess the brokenness I see there. He is using you to redirect me to His mercy and grace, both of which I am in desperate need of! You bring so much warmth and love into our home pitit fi mwen, but with all of that wonderfulness, God mixed in a few challenges as well to mold us and shape us to be a more accurate reflection of Him. He is teaching me about true, selfless, unconditional love, just like the love He has for me, and the love He is teaching me to have for you. I thought I loved you bunches before, but that was only a small measure of the depth of love He is giving me for you even as I type this letter.
For three years I longed to have you within my reach, and now I do, and it's been so awkward, so complicated and messy. I have had a hard time adjusting to the needs of two kiddos. There is no doubt I've let you down a few times and disappointed you. I wish I could say it won't happen again, but I am human after all, and I fight a battle every day between the old me and the new me, so I will fail you again. But if in the midst of all my weaknesses and failures I can point you in the direction of He who will absolutely never let you down, then we will call it a win. I am reaching for you now M, with all my heart. Mwen renmen ou, anpil, anpil, anpil...
1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
Love, Mom
My London,
Hey kiddo! You got a little more than you bargained for, huh? ;) I want you to know that I am very proud of how you've handled yourself. We've had some rough days since your sister's homecoming. You've had some moments when your reactions to her and treatment of her have been less than stellar, but I've also witnessed you show the deepest kindness and compassion. I will never forget how you came to me when I was frustrated with her tears after many long days and you asked me, "Aren't you going to comfort her Momma? She needs you." I am ashamed that you, my seven-year-old son had to say those words to me, the grown-up momma, but also incredibly proud of the fact you did! I will also never forget how you rushed to her side when she was hurt, draped your arm around her shoulders and comforted her so sweetly.
I want to remind you of what I told you before on one of your rough days. You are one of the reasons I believed we could do this. You. Ever since you were 2 1/2 years old I've seen what a big heart you have. You are so observant and aware of others, always noticing when someone is upset or hurting. And your response to what you observe is always one of genuine concern and compassion. I knew you had room in your heart to love in this great big way, and I am so please that you are learning to choose love more and more often in your treatment of her. I know it's not always easy, but you keep trying anyway and I am so thankful to call you my son.
1 Peter 1:22 "Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart..."
Love, Momma
I couldn't resist a blast from the past pic
of my precious baby boy!
My Nalique,
My little tree frog, oh how I miss you!!! I cannot wait to go through each day with you on my hip! Dabby and I miss you so much! We treasure the time we have spent with you so far, and anxiously await the day when you will belong to us completely. Your big sister and big brother miss you too, and we often talk about what life will be like when you are home. In the meantime, we find comfort in pouring over pictures, sending packages with friends, and praying for you. We are so thankful you have Gus and Burbie to love you while we are away. I talked to Burbie on Sunday and she told me what a picky eater you are! Well, not picky exactly, you will eat most anything as long as its pureed! :) You have grown like a weed in the three months since I've seen you, but I guess your preference for baby food hasn't changed.......that is, not yet.
To be honest, I try really hard not to let myself think about you too much, especially when it comes to all the things I am missing out on. My heart simply cannot take it. When I do close my eyes and think of you, I imagine you here at home, getting into everything, playing in the dirt, swinging in the tree, singing songs with Maphada, London introducing you to Thomas the Tank Engine... I imagine carrying you around on my hip, smelling the scent of baby shampoo in your hair, kissing your chubby cheeks... It will be all kinds of wonderful having you home!
We love you so much sweet baby boy! We cannot wait for you to be home. We started this journey in faith, we are filled with hope as we wait, and full of love for you pitit gason nou!!
1 Corinthians 13:13 " So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
Love, Mommy (just trying that on for a minute) ;)
