Well, not to be outdone by June 10th, 17th, 21st, or 27th, June 29th sauntered in with its own brand of emotional highs and lows. You see, tonight was our son's very first performing program of any kind. Being homeschooled, he hasn't had many opportunities to participate in these types of things. It was rather last minute, but fortunately for me, I work with some of the best people in the world. A day shift nurse agreed to flex shifts with me so I wouldn't have to miss this moment in my son's life. I will be forever grateful to her because I think a small part of my soul would have died to have missed my son's performance and all of his goofy, adorable antics on the stage. I sat there in the crowd feeling so proud, so honored to be his momma, so blessed to call him my son. He was full of energy and spunk, his dramatic hand motions and uber expressive face have me thinking I have got to get this kid into some drama classes! Anyway, I digress... I sat there with a heart so full I thought it would explode, eyes totally riveted on his every movement, every expression, oblivious to all of the other children around him. Happy tears filled my eyes as I watched this little piece of me and Chris up on the stage, singing his heart out to our Lord and Savior. Suddenly, my vision changed and I wasn't oblivious to the other children anymore. I sat there thinking how great it was that all of these children had people in the crowd who loved them and where there just for them, just to marvel at the little people they are and who they will one day become. London had his parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and his aunt and uncle and cousins there to watch him, to participate in something that was important to him and his little soul. My heart was so full. On one hand I felt like it would burst with joy...but on the other, it was equally filled with sorrow.
Here's the thing. These moments are never complete for me anymore. Life after Maphada, life after Haiti, life after loving dozens of orphaned children just isn't the same as it was before. My heart dwells in two very different places. I feel split in two most of the time. Life here is so vastly different. I sat there thinking how sad it is, how incredibly wrong it is, that thousands of children in the world have never experienced a moment like that, a moment that is just for them, a moment where people show up...just for them. Thousands of children die every day because of starvation and thirst. Thousands more die of malaria, a preventable and treatable disease! Others waste away in institutions, never knowing the love of a family, listlessly waiting for someone to show up. The problem is so huge, so unfathomable, where do we even begin? Oh how I long to make a difference for the orphans in this world! How I long to show up! I don't know exactly how to do that but I am hoping I figure it out.
In the meantime I pray for their little souls, for their broken hearts...
that the Lord will keep their lamps brightly burning,
that our God will turn their darkness into light.
Psalm 18:28
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